this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2026
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There was the time I had to hunt down an employee to make a copy of a house key for me because they didn't have any of the automatic machines and the other home improvement super store in the area which did have an automatic key making kiosk unfortunately did not have a functional automatic key making kiosk.
For 45 minutes, I tried to steer the conversation away to almost any topic besides the one he insisted on having about his favorite American football team, The Patriots. This guy was stopping the key duplication process just to look me in the eyes and tell me about The Patriots. He messed up his first 2 attempts at copying the key I was having made because he was too busy talking to me about The Patriots. I probably told him 10 times in the course of this episode that I don't watch sports at all, don't know the teams, the players, the rules, the seasons, and I have no interest in it. That didn't dissuade his passion to discuss The Patriots with me at all.
Got home and of course the set of keys he made didn't work.
Last time I went to use one of those stupid key kiosks, it was out of fucking keys. Not to worry though, some enterprising genius thought of a way for them to still make a sale in this case, and the best part is you never have to refill the blank keys!
When it's out of keys, it instead asks you to just scan your key, enter your postal address, pay at the kiosk, and they'll mail you the key simple as that!
Which means that somewhere out there, there's a corporate database that knows exactly two things about you: what your house key looks like, and what your address is. We all know how careful corporations are with our personal data. I'd sooner make the key myself than give them that info.
You are an incredibly patient and polite person. I doubt I’d make it past the first failed attempt. If he kept up with the patriots after that I’d suggest we “discuss it some other time,” or even walk to a nearby section with “brb.” Either way, I’d never make it to 45 minutes and multiple failures with my blood pressure intact.
Yeah... 45 minutes to make a couple keys? I'd have been losing my shit.
Sure, but did you see that ludicrous display last night?
It's like a mental problem, I'm glad I never caught the sports bug
Well , what'd he say? Was this around Deflategate? Was he morally outraged?
Or was it when Brady went to Tampa Bay and we all cried ourselves to sleep like jilted lovers?
Or was it more recent? Maybe around last year's surprise Superbowl run?
I need to know if he was right or not!
Hit they keyman with a "would you look at that"