Popcorn kernels? Nah.
Coin batteries.
this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2026
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"How'd they die?"
"Injested a large quantity of coin batteries and corn kernels."
"Why on Earth would anyone do that?"
News story: Fucking tight thing happened when a dude ate...
I had to remove a few pacemaker batteries when I worked at a crematory. We threw them in bin in the processing room and until they ran out of juice, they'd beep like crazy periodically. They're made like that so that while the person is alive, they'll know when it's disconnected.
It was drilled into our heads that the crematory retort would be RUINED if one of those things went in with the person.
edit: typo and more context.
So what, you have to cut all of them up? Do you just do that for any old person? Do you check for a particular scar beforehand? Damn it, we need answers!
Whether or not they have a pacemaker is something we would usually find out by asking the family, nurses present at removal, etc. If none of those people knew, it's usually pretty obvious. The battery sits on the chest just under the skin and it's hard to miss. Just two or three incisions is all it takes to remove. It's easy to get shocked disconnecting the wires if you aren't careful though.
Cremation is quite permanent and mistakes can't be resolved easily, or cheaply, so cremation cases are inspected VERY thoroughly before going into the retort.
Pffft amateurs. I'd just drink 3 litres of gasoline and shove a timed fuse down my throat. Everyone in the church will think satan is coming to get me
Spoiler alert: he is! 🤪
flashlight batteries. Get some 18650s 21700s, 26650s and some big ass 26800s
I hate to break it to you, but those kernels would stew in your juices for at least a couple days before you got to be cremated, and they'd be all soft and mushy and would not pop.
So you spent your dying moments force-feeding yourself unpopped popcorn for nothing
Swallow condoms filled with unpopped popcorn
That's gross. I love it
That or the other way you could put a condom full of something in you ;)
I mean surgically, to be clear.
But I died with a smirk.
That's disgusting. At least eat a couple sticks of butter with that
and don't forget the spice packet
Don't mind if I do.
This is wholesome. Fresh burning-body-scented popcorn.
Nobody watches the body during a cremation
Doesn't matter whose watching if you can hear that shit from the next county.
Says the guy trying not to look like a serial killer.
Rudy has fallen on some hard times, it's the only gig he could get.
I'm going to tell my grandma to put that in her will