this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2026
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The times it's been said to me have been condescending and meant to shame.
For the record, telling a grown woman to "use her big girl words" or put on her "big girl pants" is incredibly rude.
That sounds unpleasant.
I've mainly heard said by a person about herself, or from one woman to another, often as a way to make a joke of the sort that implied that they thought whatever task it was (that required the big girl pants) was big and difficult while acknowledging that it actually is not, e.g. "I put on my big girl pants and rang the council to tell them I need a new recycling bin"
There's a difference depending on who it is coming from. Another woman using the word "bitch" for example is different than a man calling a woman a "bitch".
When a man is telling a woman to use her "big girl words", it is problematic. This meme is not showing that it is being used in a light-hearted way. This is punching down.
I think it's uncharitable to assume that, and the risk of assuming the best is tiny, whilst the risk of assuming the worst is everyone getting angry with each other for no reason. I don't know if OP is a man and I don't want to go checking every user's gender before deciding what I think about what they've said, and even if I did, I think there are situations where men can make the same light-hearted jokes as women - whether it's ok depends on a lot more than that.
That's more or less what I'd assumed you meant initially, but I similarly wasn't going to assume that without checking, because launching into an argument based on an assumption of what you meant could just lead to you getting angry with me, whilst the risk of me challenging my own assumption and waiting to see carried only the risk that I'd never know.
I've had discussions with OP before.
I had commented to open the conversation, I'm not sure if you clocked that I didn't respond in anger at all in this thread. I got closed off after a certain user started attacking me. I was more curious WHY OP used that title than anything, like why gender this? For what reason? What is the message being sent here?
But again, everyone assumed what I meant in my initial comment and here we are.
I still think OP used a problematic expression in a negative way, but they haven't graced us with a comment clarifying and I have people up my ass calling me a misandrist.
Yep, fair enough.
I do appreciate your genuine attempt at giving me a chance to clarify. Sincerely.
I try, and a lot of people don't appreciate it, so that means a lot :)
I've been nothing but civil with you. Your persecution complex is incredibly telling, especially in the context of your comments.
Also, you edited your comment. ;)
Claiming that I have left hundreds of misandrist comments all over c/all isn't civil.
Again, making claims with zero evidence is really easy, isn't it?
When I've already wasted my time giving you evidence in dms once, it kinda disincentivizes me from wasting my time on it a second time, knowing that you won't listen.
So, I think I'll just let you take what message you will from the comments and votes in this thread, and if you want to add it to your imaginary misogynistic persecution complex instead of recognizing it as the reaction of a community that is aware and tired of your subtle, dog-whistling misandry, then so be it.
But whenever I happen to see a comment like this of yours as I'm scrolling the frontpage, you can be sure that I'll continue to call it out, just as I hope you continue to call out the actual misogyny that exists on Lemmy.
How convenient.
You get to lob accusations at me, claim you have evidence, and then bow out hours later without producing any of it.
Misandry doesn't exist the same way misogyny does. I'll stand by those words from here until death.
I never said that it was, and you know that isn't what I've been talking about this whole time, though your dogged determination to pretend otherwise isn't lost on me.
If you're still actually trying to defend saying "Thank you!" to a comment literally saying "Misandry doesn't exist", then we're both wasting our time here.
I thanked them for clarifying what they meant with their comment.
The comment you have the most issues with so far is this one:
I stand by it. But by all means, since there's supposedly "literally hundreds" of comments where I am demonizing all men and being blatantly misandrist, please show everyone.
Again making up strawmen to fight. You're clearly continuing to intentionally misunderstand me, so I don't think there's much more I can say here.
That is the comment you DMed me about.
You pulled that comment as an example of my misandry.
You don't agree anymore?
Should I screenshot our conversation for you?
Misandry isn’t the reverse of misogyny. There’s no anti-men power structures being kept in place by women, there isn’t women-dominated governments stripping men of their rights, there’s no systemic violence against men perpetuated by women in power.
There are certainly individuals that hate men, but misandry simply doesn’t exist the same way misogyny does.
Playing semantic games with the word "misandry" isn't going to work here, as the comments and votes have shown.
Also, whether you think you're being misandrist or not isn't really up to you anyway, and it's not my job to do any more than I already have to educate you. You either listen to what we're telling you, or you don't.
We?
Yes, what do you think all of the comments and downvotes you always get on your misandrist comments are trying to say? There's a stark difference in participation on your comments, in that the ones lifting women up are pretty universally upvoted and your comments tearing men down are usually controversial. We've been telling you for months, but you refuse to listen.
What do you think about your downvotes?
You are not a representative of all of the Fediverse. There's quite a few people who support my views here.
I think that my downvotes are coming from people like you, zealous and well-intentioned but misguided and not aware of their own misandry.
I'm doing the best I can to push back against them as well - you just happen to be one of the most prolific commenters, so I see your comments most often. I promise that I'm responding to others too though.
Yeah, all the people downvoting you are misandrists, too. /s
She's so close folks.
You have highlighted this comment as an example of my misandry in previous conversations:
I stand by it and still think it doesn't make me a misandrist to correctly identify the differences between misandry and misogyny.
And I don't think the people downvoting you are misandrists either.