this post was submitted on 09 Aug 2026
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The nature of endogamy is such that, in my experience, the first preference is that their family member marries someone of a similar South Asian background and social standing. Marrying someone Indian outside of those bounds is the next preference and then marrying someone non Indian. In all of these categories colorism is at play.
Think of medieval clans using marriage to form ties or to consolidate wealth and influence via marriage. Marriage is seen almost as utilitarian with individual wants and needs set aside for the collective.
It's an ancient way of thinking and I don't doubt for a second that it'll be eradicated with time as it has been in many parts of the world that successfully defeudalized who did not have to deal with foreign occupants further entrenching a feudalistic mindset.
In my experience, a pale skinned Indian from the same state would be their first choice for their child's spouse, rich definitely an advantage.
White European would definitely be second choice.
I nearly married an Irish man and my parents had no issue with his ethnicity. My family has a weird relationship with white people. They simultaneously revere them and look down on them.
Years later in my thirties, I asked my mum what she'd do if I wanted to marry a 50 year old black guy. She told me to stop chatting rubbish.
Unbeknown to us, at the time I asked this, my cousin who is my age (same cousin who is mistaken for white), had secretly married a 53 year old black guy.
I'm happy to say that no one in the family treats her kids as lesser for being half black.